Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
