Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
