trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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