3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize