I'm passing your future prison.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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