she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
