my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
