Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
