Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
