Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
