I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
