I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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