the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
