Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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