you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
