I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
