tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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