she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
