make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
