I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
