Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We had to coat check the pizza.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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