Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the day after is always just damage control
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
