if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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