I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
