Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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