remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i out mim tonsoeep
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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