Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
