I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
