I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
