just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
