i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
