Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
