the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
