i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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