so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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