he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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