i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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