I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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