they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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