I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
