Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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