this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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