Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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