i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
