He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
nutella sex= disaster
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
