Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
