Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
