Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
