someone get that fucking seahorse.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize