tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
where am i from again
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
