My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My dick has a subreddit
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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