Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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