dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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