TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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