i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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