I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
