In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize