i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
