Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
