You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
