I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She even gives head with a lisp.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
