look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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