I wannas sexs uuuuu
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize