Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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