the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
