Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
